slapping my confidence away
And pouring water on my ambition.
The flame needs cuddles and soft hands
To rise vivid in the adventure
That each day has become.
A fire, sudden like fever,
Is lit in response
To your little respect
And gratuitous lessons.
I know my business,
I know arrogant people,
I am learning self respect,
I know a No hidden behind a stream of words.
I am Made stupid by the competition
And the painful comparison
With people by the different talents.
Freedom is in the solo thinking
And in the attention and consideration
You tell me to move on
Not to ruin the image of your reality.
I will step out
But my opinions are sacred,
Laid in a basket inside me,
And they will be written if not told.
Reality passes quietly and silent
and I needed time to give a name
to all the happenings.
I hate labels but they give the right words
to tell the story
I do not want to forget.
Of hearing the’ you can do it’
The’ women can do everything’
But have to struggle more.
By those who give it for granted
And just enjoy your result
Laying on their desk.
Among the comments and assumptions
For my present and my future.
Of leaving the window a bit open
And enjoying the fresh wind of opportunities.
I take a walk
And hope it lasts so long
As Monday is quickly coming
And I am not ready
For its routine and vanity.
Corner after corner
I prolong this escape
And enough fresh air sinks in
To survive the shock of tomorrow.
Looking from far
Makes all people small
And turns problems into dark speckles
While giving hope to the tired heart.
Standing on a steep slope
Makes your muscles tense
And your mind alert
Yet the direction to take is unclear
And certainly tiring.
Looking down into the ease,
The fear of a quick trip to disengagement
Looking up into the unknown,
Tickles my neurons and starts a small blue flame,
But the climb will make my body sore.
My eyes have become lazy
Scrutinizing the day
for a glimpse of the future.
Active streams and imaginary flights
It is a hard job with sweaty palms
bringing the lost stream
To an inner silent spring.
Lazy body and crowded mind
Make my person a dichotomy
With zeds from my feet
And sparks from my hair.
Silence and mental traveling
Stir my energy like a cocktail
And equilibrium is found
I look forward
And start the Xmas tree
Two months in advance.
Being prepared is crucial
To give and obtain the most in difficult situations.
I won’t listen to you
You that use the tactic of silence to win me over
To make your point with no argument.
You will not ridicule my preparation and my solid ground.
I will scream my reasons
And list my points.
The war is not over.
I listen to the marvelous details of politics and cars
While I warm up with a coffee
Sitting and listening.
Day after day this is the taste of my coffee
That would be sweeter
If handcrafts and holidays were the topic.
On Monday, you start slow
you sit at your desk and think
where to put your time
and your attention
not to lose the smile of the weekend.
The future planned, the topic is chosen,
And still there details of everyday drain you
With their burocracy, their demand for funding,
taking away the passion that brought you to the bench
In the lab.
Heavy eyes and slow thinking
Are a thick fog wall I have to break
to start the day.
No energy left for a smile or free support
In this busy lab.
A General uneasiness takes me
In this situation of peace and boredom
But the reason is unknown
And the real laughter is hiding still.
The candid dove of experimental design flies in
And shows to all the way
To elegance and beauty
Of working in the lab
At the end of the table
The wise sits in silence
Observing and staring
Those who nervously run
And show their plumage.
The train stopped
And the steps downwards made me an explorer,
Alone and fit in this stranger city
Of binding rushing active
my self-appreciation returned
And my accidents claimed their size
Made of insecure steps, bravery, and hidden years.