What tickles my mind
in this dark winter day?
Worries of career, fears of loneliness
This undetermined future of ours
Join forces and seed doubts.
I drop my anchor
In the small achievements in my wallet
And those tiny ideas shining in the dark.
My arms are crossed
And my thoughts far away
When the bell rings.
The day is over
Or does it start?
I head home and fill the last hours
With tenderness and personality
Until the sleep comes
And my heart holds a list
With minute-long experiences and small memories.
Consistency and authenticity
Border the road
Where I roam apparently free.
Direction is forward
On the long term,
But today i will go sideway
And free myself
From the restrain of the map
Of a well accepted career.
I mix my dreams with my loved ones
And try to paint a picture of harmony.
Work and life,
Food and acceptance,
Love and ambition,
Balance and moving forward
Delimit my way.
I have no idea of what power
Is pulling the sun up today,
Across a deserted sky of summer loneliness.
I can estimate that strength
And find carefully inside myself
To push myself through the chores
Of the office, of the hobbies, of the marriage.
What holds me back
Has no hands and no reason.
In my belly a fear and a spasm.
From true dedication,
there came disappointment
Dressed in targets and evaluations.
No belly tells lies.
A shoeless child runs through the fields
In a day that holds no promise.
Clouds are unwillingly gathering
And the green is starting to vanish.
My day reached its end
With few praises and many promises.
I know it is only for today
But this empty feeling cannot be stopped.
I sweat alone
While my feet are tapping
And yearn to join the game.
The game is familiar
But I have played it for too long.
Rules are tights jackets
And the ball a long known relative.
The limits of a repetitive and recurrent nature
Are confronted with the infinity of the molecules
Orchestrating a bigger design
As crowded modern cities
Fit in single statistical values.
Find your scale, find your limits,
The rigid walls of a predefined career
Are easy to aspire to
And reassuring when thinking about the future.
Walls that delimit a job,
That Somebody else has designed
Are very high and the missing view
Is sadly breathtaking.
I know the theory very well,
What to is best to say
How to stand
And the way to behave.
Theory will give it all to me,
But it does not feel right.
I will find the theory for me
Maybe no career, maybe only truth.
You can pause for a day, a week,
And nobody sees your standing.
You alone Are creating.
Your mind, your imagination
Is processing yours next steps
And gluing together your achievements.
What comes next is in the picture
But still unfocused
until your superpowers
Years of hypotheses and confrontation
Gave you that idea
Of marvelous potential
And unmeasurable impact
For the people and the society.
You cuddle it in your mind
You question it and lay it to rest
Each day until the right moment.
If it makes sense
If it is feasible
Depends only on you
And your hands and vision.
You prove it
You make it reasonable and accepted
Against the critics and odds of statistics.
Trust your hands and step forward.
The sun sets on my labbook
When streams of numbers and
Tangles of lines
Drew a new panorama
Made of lights and surprise
for my lifelong hypothesis.