Postponed stress

Fascinated by the job,

Addicted to the visuals.

I enter the loop and get lost

In my mental starry sky.

At the desk I can travel,

Learn insane details,

Join futuristic communities

And nobody notices

I am absent,

Yet still sitting.

With a science degree

The scientific community is like a big family, each person has a passion and succeeding generations build a legacy.

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Thank you Elizabeth @aScienceDegree !

PhD ending

Few questions

and the stomach in the rollercoaster

Will summarise years in the lab

And ideas coming unattended

In the night, on a hike, talking.

A chapter closes and

Yet many answers are just blank spaces.

The value for a society

Are condensed in words

For an elite.

Burning in/out

Noise and broken sentences
Crawl in my mind
Worrying why the job I used to enjoy
Is now a reason off dark dreams and tears.
Have I seen a part of it that disgusts me?
Is it just this broken environment I am in?
Is it inside me? Is it the situation?
I reject the whole package
And my life gets impossible,
and gets on.

Crash in the lab

The echo of clashing experiments
Fills the lab on this windy day.
The dream result
has left everybody standing speechless
And everybody with a broken heart
after days of efforts.
Impulses take over and the youngs predict a ruin
While the seniors know
Another hunt had just started.

Protein cartoons

A mute film goes on in my mind
Where the next experiment is enacted
And proteins jump and roll
Under the perfect light
On the thinnest of the cellulose fibres.
The behaviour is unpredictable,
A moody twist of the binding
Produces a loss and a dramatic inactivity.
The tiny acrobat has fallen
But not without living an imaginary event
Of high potential for science
And of fascinating cartoonish drama for me.

BrushStrokes

Details are in the corners
And in the last strokes of the brush
To complete the aquarello
When nobody is watching.
Sitting at the desk
The many experiments transform
Fusing in a single story
Whose last slow details
Make me feel unique.

Slope

Standing on a steep slope
Makes your muscles tense
And your mind alert
Yet the direction to take is unclear
And certainly tiring.
Looking down into the ease,
The fear of a quick trip to disengagement
Sets in.
Looking up into the unknown,
Tickles my neurons and starts a small blue flame,
But the climb will make my body sore.

Conference

Research is in your hands,
In your mind,
In your feet.
It takes you traveling in the world of unheard ideas
And to places of gathering
Where running free and drawing visions
Is the rule.

Water

My eyes have become lazy
Scrutinizing the day
for a glimpse of the future.
Active streams and imaginary flights
It is a hard job with sweaty palms
bringing the lost stream
To an inner silent spring.

Draw

Lost in the books
Swimming through the pages
Breathing my notes
I oxygenate the mind
To draw the contour of a future experiment
And isolate the daily adventures to give it life.

Dichotomy

Lazy body and crowded mind
Make my person a dichotomy
With zeds from my feet
And sparks from my hair.
Silence and mental traveling
Stir my energy like a cocktail
And equilibrium is found
For now.

Foggy

Holding my shoulders tight
In the foggy late evening
I look behind
And every little act seems far
Yet crucial and painful.
The bonus ahead promises a rollercoaster
Of laughters and jumps forwards
To write a new chapter.

Perspective

Signs of age, symptoms of the changing time
Recur unexpected through my day
Shedding a cold perspective
On my actions and reality
I cannot always see.

Elegance

The candid dove of experimental design flies in
And shows to all the way
To elegance and beauty
Of working in the lab
everyday.

Pre-presentation

Giant and buffing the monster has me
Again at the door of the achievement.
His presence fills my room
And lays imperfections on my slides
Of no importance
While others breath freedom.

Lens

Tapping on the floor
I pace the value of my time
And train my patience.
External observers can judge my work
And evaluate my knowledge
Like a rough diamond under the lens
But no eye can know it all.

Way

Everything is possible
Yet the way had to be chosen
Based on a idealized arrival city.
Flipping a coin or following the heart
Are equal when the attitude decides
If it will reason or shine sun.

Killed

Curiosity killed the cat
And the researcher who bravely
Made long term plans
Seeking explanations to a phenomenon.
The three year long project killed the curiosity.

Univ

Hormones in the air and tick-eting laptops
Behind coffee cups
Tell me this is university and anything is possible.
Young questions are possible
and always waiting for you
If your heart does not reach adulthood.

Echoes

My inner valley is crowded
Of angry and righteous echoes
But no exit is found
And the energy builds up
To feed stubbornness and mental rollercoasters.
The exit is found and the gate is open
Over a profound burst of power.

Shield

Caught up by the lab turmoil
I end up in situations I can’t control
And do not realize.
Taken by surprise
Rapidly search for my thin shield
When a sword would be my choice.

Ah ah

Everybody laughs and dies a bit inside
Thanks to your loud senseless sexist humor.
Many makes can stupidity have
Yours is comedy,
The lowest one
With no imagination or word game.
An airy circle will form
Around you
Amber I will watch it.

Chair

My brain figuratively sits
On a wooden chair in the back of my head
And stares around
To acknowledge the reality and the dynamics
In front of its feet.
Relaxation comes, as energy at a minimum
Is necessary during the day.

Fire

When the fear sets in
Reasoning is a far weak flame
Fighting timid to set a luminous fire
To restore control and confidence.
Patience and focus are rewarded.

Northern

Hypnotized by the changing lights
I forget this is a meeting
And dream of northern lights
And traveling north
to the land where I am asexual
And my words build my credibility.

Intuition

Respecting your will

I challenge my view of science

and bring the analyses to the extreme.

Intuition stems for a deep preparation

and hard years shine in an instant.

Awe

Pretty of scientific doubts
I lie thoughtless in the office,
Where are my results?
Are they meaningful?
Imaging reviews and critical questions,
My whole theory collapses
in fear and awe
While doubting myself.

Steps

Go far and you will find
Your question mark
To haunt.
Adrenaline and fear will rush
While your steps will start
To be longer and longer
For a closer and closer
Destination of clarity.

No

Flowers and light in a ray

decorate my corner

bringing life in an office of intensity and cramps.

Learning the antique art

of pronouncing  monosyllables

I forecast a bright future and move the first step

pink revolution

Pink and purple

will invest my office like a breeze

or warmth and freespeech.

Innovation starts by doing things differently

and no greyzone is allowed

in my timid heart and brave mind.