and the stomach in the rollercoaster
Will summarise years in the lab
And ideas coming unattended
In the night, on a hike, talking.
A chapter closes and
Yet many answers are just blank spaces.
The value for a society
Are condensed in words
For an elite.
Noise and broken sentences
Crawl in my mind
Worrying why the job I used to enjoy
Is now a reason off dark dreams and tears.
Have I seen a part of it that disgusts me?
Is it just this broken environment I am in?
Is it inside me? Is it the situation?
I reject the whole package
And my life gets impossible,
and gets on.
The echo of clashing experiments
Fills the lab on this windy day.
The dream result
has left everybody standing speechless
And everybody with a broken heart
after days of efforts.
Impulses take over and the youngs predict a ruin
While the seniors know
Another hunt had just started.
Think about tomorrow
Push your imagination forward
Towards what is possible,
You read it somewhere,
And turn your desired into an image.
Stand up and find your brush
Your paint and your invisible mantle
And start to make it happen.
One inch every day.
A stream of endorfins
Sweeps me away
When I glance the results.
Enough to make the day
Although at the first step
Of the longest stairs.
Career and life.
Shiny as polished
Glassware waits for me
And the colourful protein solutions
Swimming and swirling
In their soup
Proteins arrange and interact
Like people in crowded squares
Showing uncontrollable attraction.
Research Planning is forecasting
What shines on that crucial moment
When your hands start moving
And your mind keeps quiet
To follow the steps of the protocol
Great ideas do not need justifications
In an ideal world
We belong to,
But too far away
From the research world.
Pro and cons of my possible next brilliant step
Crowd my head
While I have to invent also
The next ideal justification.
Details are in the corners
And in the last strokes of the brush
To complete the aquarello
When nobody is watching.
Sitting at the desk
The many experiments transform
Fusing in a single story
Whose last slow details
Make me feel unique.
Hit after hit
The pathways are built
With their different speed
Easy to simulate and assemble
Control is the art.
The squares of a chessboard
Assemble in my head
and rank equally important
Yet necessary and unique.
Experiments to answer doubts
And to move a bit the border of knowledge
Take my day
And fill my heart.
Standing on a steep slope
Makes your muscles tense
And your mind alert
Yet the direction to take is unclear
And certainly tiring.
Looking down into the ease,
The fear of a quick trip to disengagement
Looking up into the unknown,
Tickles my neurons and starts a small blue flame,
But the climb will make my body sore.
Research is in your hands,
In your mind,
In your feet.
It takes you traveling in the world of unheard ideas
And to places of gathering
Where running free and drawing visions
Is the rule.
Polka dots and stars
Start to decorate my labbooks
And cheer up days full of expectation
Until the holidays
And the final answer that only repetitions can confirm.
My eyes have become lazy
Scrutinizing the day
for a glimpse of the future.
Active streams and imaginary flights
It is a hard job with sweaty palms
bringing the lost stream
To an inner silent spring.
Lost in the books
Swimming through the pages
Breathing my notes
I oxygenate the mind
To draw the contour of a future experiment
And isolate the daily adventures to give it life.
Lazy body and crowded mind
Make my person a dichotomy
With zeds from my feet
And sparks from my hair.
Silence and mental traveling
Stir my energy like a cocktail
And equilibrium is found
Holding my shoulders tight
In the foggy late evening
I look behind
And every little act seems far
Yet crucial and painful.
The bonus ahead promises a rollercoaster
Of laughters and jumps forwards
To write a new chapter.
On Monday, you start slow
you sit at your desk and think
where to put your time
and your attention
not to lose the smile of the weekend.
Mixing and stirring
I introduce chaos and
I pace the event
To give the world a new solution
And a stepping stone to this long experiment.
There yellow leaves
Are the real deadline
For closing the project
And opening the new page,
The new labbook.
Staring out there window
New hypotheses appear
And the journey begins.
A General uneasiness takes me
In this situation of peace and boredom
But the reason is unknown
And the real laughter is hiding still.
Signs of age, symptoms of the changing time
Recur unexpected through my day
Shedding a cold perspective
On my actions and reality
I cannot always see.
The candid dove of experimental design flies in
And shows to all the way
To elegance and beauty
Of working in the lab
Giant and buffing the monster has me
Again at the door of the achievement.
His presence fills my room
And lays imperfections on my slides
Of no importance
While others breath freedom.
Tapping on the floor
I pace the value of my time
And train my patience.
External observers can judge my work
And evaluate my knowledge
Like a rough diamond under the lens
But no eye can know it all.
Everything is possible
Yet the way had to be chosen
Based on a idealized arrival city.
Flipping a coin or following the heart
Are equal when the attitude decides
If it will reason or shine sun.
Curiosity killed the cat
And the researcher who bravely
Made long term plans
Seeking explanations to a phenomenon.
The three year long project killed the curiosity.
Remind me the turbulence
of the daily life
When holding to the surface
Pushes you forward
And keeps your eyes on the horizon.
Chin up and looking far
I direct my slow first step.
Shaky for fear but confident and hopeful
And the situation has already changed.
Don’t think, just move.
Hormones in the air and tick-eting laptops
Behind coffee cups
Tell me this is university and anything is possible.
Young questions are possible
and always waiting for you
If your heart does not reach adulthood.
My inner valley is crowded
Of angry and righteous echoes
But no exit is found
And the energy builds up
To feed stubbornness and mental rollercoasters.
The exit is found and the gate is open
Over a profound burst of power.
Caught up by the lab turmoil
I end up in situations I can’t control
And do not realize.
Taken by surprise
Rapidly search for my thin shield
When a sword would be my choice.
Everybody laughs and dies a bit inside
Thanks to your loud senseless sexist humor.
Many makes can stupidity have
Yours is comedy,
The lowest one
With no imagination or word game.
An airy circle will form
Amber I will watch it.
When the fear sets in
Reasoning is a far weak flame
Fighting timid to set a luminous fire
To restore control and confidence.
Patience and focus are rewarded.
Hypnotized by the changing lights
I forget this is a meeting
And dream of northern lights
And traveling north
to the land where I am asexual
And my words build my credibility.
Pretty of scientific doubts
I lie thoughtless in the office,
Where are my results?
Are they meaningful?
Imaging reviews and critical questions,
My whole theory collapses
in fear and awe
While doubting myself.
Go far and you will find
Your question mark
Adrenaline and fear will rush
While your steps will start
To be longer and longer
For a closer and closer
Destination of clarity.
Flowers and light in a ray
decorate my corner
bringing life in an office of intensity and cramps.
Learning the antique art
of pronouncing monosyllables
I forecast a bright future and move the first step
Pink and purple
will invest my office like a breeze
or warmth and freespeech.
Innovation starts by doing things differently
and no greyzone is allowed
in my timid heart and brave mind.
Words come out and silence enters
liberating the energy and welcoming the confidence.
Public speaking is a walk
in the land of thorns and poppy seeds.
Your journey begins, the andrenalin fuels you
warm hands reassure you.
The decision is taken
And the result is bound
To the conditions, solutions, and timing.
Forecasting the future
Looking at the past failures and sneaking possibilities
Is the talent of the good ones.
I see yellow, you say green
shedding doubts over reason and logic.
Trust yourself and look straigth,
you will not fool yourself again
by wasting time for unrealistic hypothesis
that undermine you
and your mind.
Wave on wave
The disruption comes
In seconds or instants
Under my eyes.
Control over it is just fool
And no time is left
The few milliliters that make a difference
Make me realize of the importance
of moments and gestures.
Richness and purpose
Can hide in the drops
You don’t consider.
Today, like a raindrop,
I dal through my life.
I am attracted by the difficult
and unexplored territories.
I will shout in my pot of gold
And wait for a white rabbit to pass by
And enquire me.
My heart in my throat
Tells me a danger is at the door
And this warning sign
Shines a blue light over me.
Cold and anxious I wait
For My destiny to come
While meditating and wondering
about my role and power.
The day starts with a late awakening,
With purchasing the wrong ticket,
And forgetting the breakfast.
The day of planned success
Begins with the fog and chaos
Of the Monday mind.
Temptation comes in many forms.
A coffee smell on the bus to work,
A red tomato colour at lunch time
And a crisp chocolate snap after dinner
All text your strength and your determination
In a material world.