Noise and broken sentences
Crawl in my mind
Worrying why the job I used to enjoy
Is now a reason off dark dreams and tears.
Have I seen a part of it that disgusts me?
Is it just this broken environment I am in?
Is it inside me? Is it the situation?
I reject the whole package
And my life gets impossible,
and gets on.
Thank you for the music
That paced my moves and my moonwalks
Through the lab.
Thank you for the space
That rapidly filled with ingredients
of unheard potions.
Thank me for my energy
That gave hypotheses a room in this world
And for my vision
That saw the value of a future step
In a lonely direction.
That current through the body
The sweat in palms
Announces me a change.
The dam opens when you don’t expect it
And manning the wave is difficult
But as it comes
Building a new scenario.
Always looking forward and nothing is enough
is the trap that takes the flavour away
from your pizza and the chat with your colleague.
A slow typing day, a smooth never-ending coffee,
and a thorough look out the window
gives the time to breath
and find a new horizon.
White thick fog surrounds me
In my circular walk
looking for silence and solitude.
My batteries recharge
And the fog reminds me it’s the season of rest.
In the fog I hide my fears, my worries and my inadequacies
as no reason I have to keep them.
A new philosophy arises
On the way to work,
On my expectations and demanded achievements.
Not every day is a success
And I sip frustration even more often
But I will keep on working
And approach this desk everyday
because tomorrow is coming
And I am so curious.
Explore the corridor
With a peaceful mind
Open to encounters and discoveries.
Pace your time
Rejecting the hurry the system imposes
Creates room for a new stream of adrenalinic challenges.
Yearning silence and a thoughtless mind
I closer my eyes and feel the sun
On my tired old face.
It is a moment only
The one I strive for
Of warmth and cleanliness
Under the pillow,
Above the shelves
The recipe for personal time is missing.
How to find that special moment?
How to make it last?
Breathe and think about the sun,
Nothing is in between
And nothing needs an immediate action
Unless you want it.
Still and on the limit,
As a drop of clear dense water
Hanging and considering
The way to fall
I observe the dynamics around me
and question myself with no shyness or reserve
Knowing that no answer is needed.
Sleeping with wide open eyes
Not to interrupt or ridicule the speaker
Is a skill to acquire.
No Nobel prize lecture
Can defeat the early afternoon
Taking the risk
and jumping straight ahead
While the others watch you
Like an accelerating fish in a bowl
Makes my day, and even my week.
In the rain,
The road is clear
and the future seems harmless.
Walking alone does not scare me
If the drops sound steadily behind me.
This wet darkness is comfortable
And hugs me all the way home.
Polka dots and stars
Start to decorate my labbooks
And cheer up days full of expectation
Until the holidays
And the final answer that only repetitions can confirm.
Lost in the books
Swimming through the pages
Breathing my notes
I oxygenate the mind
To draw the contour of a future experiment
And isolate the daily adventures to give it life.
Lazy body and crowded mind
Make my person a dichotomy
With zeds from my feet
And sparks from my hair.
Silence and mental traveling
Stir my energy like a cocktail
And equilibrium is found
I am deaf
To the complains of the lazy
Who do not see beyond their nose.
I am deaf
To the laughter of the bully who hides insecurity behind bad jokes.
But I am not blind.
On Monday, you start slow
you sit at your desk and think
where to put your time
and your attention
not to lose the smile of the weekend.
Time flows slowly
While I read
And train myself to appreciate my reality
Of messy results
Looking for a logic
And persons I love
Trying to come closer.
Resting silent at the desk
I reconsider my choices
And my achievements,
Little cobble stones
On a path with no clear destination.
After the curve, behind the hill,
A scene is forming
And slowly coming into focus.
The future planned, the topic is chosen,
And still there details of everyday drain you
With their burocracy, their demand for funding,
taking away the passion that brought you to the bench
In the lab.
Heavy eyes and slow thinking
Are a thick fog wall I have to break
to start the day.
No energy left for a smile or free support
In this busy lab.
Organizing a meeting
and fearing its waiting,
Its notes, its pauses,
And my duty to speak
Of minimal details assuming monstrous importance
While life goes by.
A General uneasiness takes me
In this situation of peace and boredom
But the reason is unknown
And the real laughter is hiding still.
Years of focused uninterrupted attention
To talks on mysterious topics
Turned me in a generalist
Myself and critical thinking for free.
Where is my core? Where is my passion?
Sleeping through the winter
Of scientific loneliness
Among thousands of specialists.
Signs of age, symptoms of the changing time
Recur unexpected through my day
Shedding a cold perspective
On my actions and reality
I cannot always see.
The candid dove of experimental design flies in
And shows to all the way
To elegance and beauty
Of working in the lab
Blue skies above and spiky roses below
Accompany my thinking
And drift towards a future
Of renewal and fireworks.
The train stopped
And the steps downwards made me an explorer,
Alone and fit in this stranger city
Of binding rushing active
my self-appreciation returned
And my accidents claimed their size
Made of insecure steps, bravery, and hidden years.
Tapping on the floor
I pace the value of my time
And train my patience.
External observers can judge my work
And evaluate my knowledge
Like a rough diamond under the lens
But no eye can know it all.
Remind me the turbulence
of the daily life
When holding to the surface
Pushes you forward
And keeps your eyes on the horizon.
Warmed up and restored
My work is paced by steamy cups
That Embellish intervals of expectation
For the next step.
My inner valley is crowded
Of angry and righteous echoes
But no exit is found
And the energy builds up
To feed stubbornness and mental rollercoasters.
The exit is found and the gate is open
Over a profound burst of power.
Caught up by the lab turmoil
I end up in situations I can’t control
And do not realize.
Taken by surprise
Rapidly search for my thin shield
When a sword would be my choice.
Pretty of scientific doubts
I lie thoughtless in the office,
Where are my results?
Are they meaningful?
Imaging reviews and critical questions,
My whole theory collapses
in fear and awe
While doubting myself.
Go far and you will find
Your question mark
Adrenaline and fear will rush
While your steps will start
To be longer and longer
For a closer and closer
Destination of clarity.
Flowers and light in a ray
decorate my corner
bringing life in an office of intensity and cramps.
Learning the antique art
of pronouncing monosyllables
I forecast a bright future and move the first step
Pink and purple
will invest my office like a breeze
or warmth and freespeech.
Innovation starts by doing things differently
and no greyzone is allowed
in my timid heart and brave mind.
Words come out and silence enters
liberating the energy and welcoming the confidence.
Public speaking is a walk
in the land of thorns and poppy seeds.
Your journey begins, the andrenalin fuels you
warm hands reassure you.
The decision is taken
And the result is bound
To the conditions, solutions, and timing.
Forecasting the future
Looking at the past failures and sneaking possibilities
Is the talent of the good ones.
I see yellow, you say green
shedding doubts over reason and logic.
Trust yourself and look straigth,
you will not fool yourself again
by wasting time for unrealistic hypothesis
that undermine you
and your mind.
Wave on wave
The disruption comes
In seconds or instants
Under my eyes.
Control over it is just fool
And no time is left
The few milliliters that make a difference
Make me realize of the importance
of moments and gestures.
Richness and purpose
Can hide in the drops
You don’t consider.
Today, like a raindrop,
I dal through my life.
I am attracted by the difficult
and unexplored territories.
I will shout in my pot of gold
And wait for a white rabbit to pass by
And enquire me.
My heart in my throat
Tells me a danger is at the door
And this warning sign
Shines a blue light over me.
Cold and anxious I wait
For My destiny to come
While meditating and wondering
about my role and power.
The day starts with a late awakening,
With purchasing the wrong ticket,
And forgetting the breakfast.
The day of planned success
Begins with the fog and chaos
Of the Monday mind.
Temptation comes in many forms.
A coffee smell on the bus to work,
A red tomato colour at lunch time
And a crisp chocolate snap after dinner
All text your strength and your determination
In a material world.
Commas and digits describe my day
Typing and aligning
Tasks of different value.
Tasks to connect dots
That take me forward
And draw the borders of tomorrow.
My mind drives away
while results and errors are projected
connceting the points of a young scientific career.
A spark strikes and I can help,
the day is rich.
Heat flashes and palpitations,
Sweaty palms and anger,
Is it menopause or group meeting?
The extremities of biology
Summarize the extreme of human dynamics.