I mix my dreams with my loved ones
And try to paint a picture of harmony.
Work and life,
Food and acceptance,
Love and ambition,
Balance and moving forward
Delimit my way.
Noise and broken sentences
Crawl in my mind
Worrying why the job I used to enjoy
Is now a reason off dark dreams and tears.
Have I seen a part of it that disgusts me?
Is it just this broken environment I am in?
Is it inside me? Is it the situation?
I reject the whole package
And my life gets impossible,
and gets on.
Your voice might be short and squeaky
And gently fall prey to louder opinions,
Yet your words are equal.
In the dark of the lab
My results come to life,
Fluorescent lines under the lamp.
Loneliness and suspense
Are my companions
Until the story can be told.
Hard and strong like a Kernel
In the stream of the competition
That science has become.
Floating or settling
Talking or observing
I learn to alternate the powers
While the target slowly fades.
I know the theory very well,
What to is best to say
How to stand
And the way to behave.
Theory will give it all to me,
But it does not feel right.
I will find the theory for me
Maybe no career, maybe only truth.
You can pause for a day, a week,
And nobody sees your standing.
You alone Are creating.
Your mind, your imagination
Is processing yours next steps
And gluing together your achievements.
What comes next is in the picture
But still unfocused
until your superpowers
Career as a gloomy destiny
And a sweaty work to do.
The stress of articles
Highlighting its importance
And put water on the burning glamour
of living in the lab.
What is fun and pleasure
Has to be a smart move.
Thank you for the music
That paced my moves and my moonwalks
Through the lab.
Thank you for the space
That rapidly filled with ingredients
of unheard potions.
Thank me for my energy
That gave hypotheses a room in this world
And for my vision
That saw the value of a future step
In a lonely direction.
The candid dove of experimental design flies in
And shows to all the way
To elegance and beauty
Of working in the lab
Tapping on the floor
I pace the value of my time
And train my patience.
External observers can judge my work
And evaluate my knowledge
Like a rough diamond under the lens
But no eye can know it all.
Caught up by the lab turmoil
I end up in situations I can’t control
And do not realize.
Taken by surprise
Rapidly search for my thin shield
When a sword would be my choice.
Everybody laughs and dies a bit inside
Thanks to your loud senseless sexist humor.
Many makes can stupidity have
Yours is comedy,
The lowest one
With no imagination or word game.
An airy circle will form
Amber I will watch it.
My brain figuratively sits
On a wooden chair in the back of my head
And stares around
To acknowledge the reality and the dynamics
In front of its feet.
Relaxation comes, as energy at a minimum
Is necessary during the day.
When the fear sets in
Reasoning is a far weak flame
Fighting timid to set a luminous fire
To restore control and confidence.
Patience and focus are rewarded.
Hypnotized by the changing lights
I forget this is a meeting
And dream of northern lights
And traveling north
to the land where I am asexual
And my words build my credibility.
Pretty of scientific doubts
I lie thoughtless in the office,
Where are my results?
Are they meaningful?
Imaging reviews and critical questions,
My whole theory collapses
in fear and awe
While doubting myself.