I sit today
Alone and not lonely
Like a modern woman searching
and possessing her space.
Overqualified and clearminded
Are just traits she shows in her work,
Selected between being a romantic, traditional, and self-doubting.
Those eyes whisper my reward
After an intense day of fight.
They secure my hugs and promises
for the future.
Many hours waiting for this moment
of appreciation and safety
In our home.
You can pause for a day, a week,
And nobody sees your standing.
You alone Are creating.
Your mind, your imagination
Is processing yours next steps
And gluing together your achievements.
What comes next is in the picture
But still unfocused
until your superpowers
Lost in the books
Swimming through the pages
Breathing my notes
I oxygenate the mind
To draw the contour of a future experiment
And isolate the daily adventures to give it life.
Lazy body and crowded mind
Make my person a dichotomy
With zeds from my feet
And sparks from my hair.
Silence and mental traveling
Stir my energy like a cocktail
And equilibrium is found
Time flows slowly
While I read
And train myself to appreciate my reality
Of messy results
Looking for a logic
And persons I love
Trying to come closer.
Heavy eyes and slow thinking
Are a thick fog wall I have to break
to start the day.
No energy left for a smile or free support
In this busy lab.
A General uneasiness takes me
In this situation of peace and boredom
But the reason is unknown
And the real laughter is hiding still.
Years of focused uninterrupted attention
To talks on mysterious topics
Turned me in a generalist
Myself and critical thinking for free.
Where is my core? Where is my passion?
Sleeping through the winter
Of scientific loneliness
Among thousands of specialists.
Signs of age, symptoms of the changing time
Recur unexpected through my day
Shedding a cold perspective
On my actions and reality
I cannot always see.
Blue skies above and spiky roses below
Accompany my thinking
And drift towards a future
Of renewal and fireworks.
Tapping on the floor
I pace the value of my time
And train my patience.
External observers can judge my work
And evaluate my knowledge
Like a rough diamond under the lens
But no eye can know it all.
Internally distracted by an espresso
I live intensity and frustration
In the same instant.
The high tide of energy will pass
Leaving a human and restless
Managing of time and ambition.
Caught up by the lab turmoil
I end up in situations I can’t control
And do not realize.
Taken by surprise
Rapidly search for my thin shield
When a sword would be my choice.
Everybody laughs and dies a bit inside
Thanks to your loud senseless sexist humor.
Many makes can stupidity have
Yours is comedy,
The lowest one
With no imagination or word game.
An airy circle will form
Amber I will watch it.
When the fear sets in
Reasoning is a far weak flame
Fighting timid to set a luminous fire
To restore control and confidence.
Patience and focus are rewarded.
Hypnotized by the changing lights
I forget this is a meeting
And dream of northern lights
And traveling north
to the land where I am asexual
And my words build my credibility.
The blank manuscript on front of me
Initiate my travel to the zone
Of connections with no turns
And statistical facts with hidden fascinations.
In a line they arrange,
And the tale of this manuscript
To project quantitative results
In the light of passion
And scientific curiosity.
Pretty of scientific doubts
I lie thoughtless in the office,
Where are my results?
Are they meaningful?
Imaging reviews and critical questions,
My whole theory collapses
in fear and awe
While doubting myself.
Go far and you will find
Your question mark
Adrenaline and fear will rush
While your steps will start
To be longer and longer
For a closer and closer
Destination of clarity.
Flowers and light in a ray
decorate my corner
bringing life in an office of intensity and cramps.
Learning the antique art
of pronouncing monosyllables
I forecast a bright future and move the first step
Pink and purple
will invest my office like a breeze
or warmth and freespeech.
Innovation starts by doing things differently
and no greyzone is allowed
in my timid heart and brave mind.