Regular and precise
Like a shiny Salt Crystal
Feel the changes in the air around me.
Melting away I let my energy spread
While strongly I hold on to the skills and ideas
Hiding inside but not vanishing.
Noise and broken sentences
Crawl in my mind
Worrying why the job I used to enjoy
Is now a reason off dark dreams and tears.
Have I seen a part of it that disgusts me?
Is it just this broken environment I am in?
Is it inside me? Is it the situation?
I reject the whole package
And my life gets impossible,
and gets on.
The time spent planning and polishing details
is nothing against the odds of scientific research.
The controllable is mysterious
and your plan is just a forecast
of your protein’s behavior.
Predicted and overanalysed
still surprises you in the lab
when the unexpected happens and adrenalin is needed
to find the solution
to a confusing situation.
Opinions are heard
And slowly bent
By those who hold the power
While the stream of information
And initiative never stops.
Looking from far
Makes all people small
And turns problems into dark speckles
While giving hope to the tired heart.
In the rain,
The road is clear
and the future seems harmless.
Walking alone does not scare me
If the drops sound steadily behind me.
This wet darkness is comfortable
And hugs me all the way home.
Passionate yet careful
I guard myself through the day
To find the juicy tasks
In the shadow
Among the senseless
That shine so bright.
At night the energy is released
And the joy of the day culminates
In luminous dreams and improbable situations
On which what learnt during the day
Unfolds and fights of the difficulties.
Cuddling train you take me and my poster
Silently and smoothly
Where I dream to go
And add trepidation and glitter
To this trip of science
Dancing smoothly in the dim light
I coordinate and stop
I start and block
I pull and feel deeply
The energy for the moment
While the music accelerate
And accompany me
In the rushing towards the dawn.
My eyes have become lazy
Scrutinizing the day
for a glimpse of the future.
Active streams and imaginary flights
It is a hard job with sweaty palms
bringing the lost stream
To an inner silent spring.
The future planned, the topic is chosen,
And still there details of everyday drain you
With their burocracy, their demand for funding,
taking away the passion that brought you to the bench
In the lab.
Years of focused uninterrupted attention
To talks on mysterious topics
Turned me in a generalist
Myself and critical thinking for free.
Where is my core? Where is my passion?
Sleeping through the winter
Of scientific loneliness
Among thousands of specialists.
Signs of age, symptoms of the changing time
Recur unexpected through my day
Shedding a cold perspective
On my actions and reality
I cannot always see.
The candid dove of experimental design flies in
And shows to all the way
To elegance and beauty
Of working in the lab
Blue skies above and spiky roses below
Accompany my thinking
And drift towards a future
Of renewal and fireworks.
At the end of the table
The wise sits in silence
Observing and staring
Those who nervously run
And show their plumage.